August 19, 2012

Nothing Anyone Could Have Said	New Buddie
Since BC's birth I've often remarked that there is nothing anyone could have said to me to make me actually, fully understand how completely changed my life would be upon becoming a mother; how completely changed I would be. Oh I understood it on an intellectual level, I suppose, but I didn't really get it. Not until I actually became a mother.  The same holds true for my current situation. There's nothing anyone could have said to make me actually, fully understand what it would be like to parent a sick child. Not until I actually had to. BC had a horrible night last night. He was up every hour and a half or so upset and hungry but unable to nurse. He had a fever. At one point he even screamed so hard he made himself vomit. He cried. I cried. My husband and I took turns sitting in the recliner in the living room while BC slept intermittently between his fitful awake periods. His fever finally broke about 9:00 this morning. But still.. Today, after sitting in a steamy bathroom, we used saline drops and breast milk up BC's nose and our trusty NoseFrida to clear out some of the congestion so he could nurse. Then he would sleep for about 20 minutes or so. Then we would repeat the whole process: saline/breast milk, NoseFrida, nurse, nap. Every two hours all day.  Somewhere in there my husband and I each got about an hour nap in. I'm I'm not entirely sure how as I'm a little fuzzy on the details. And, well, we made it through the day. And we are doing the best we can. We are exhausted from lack of sleep and from having our hearts beating in the pit of our stomachs but we are doing the best we can. No, there's  nothing anyone could have said to make me actually, fully understand the sense of helplessness and heartbreak that comes only with the deep love of mothering a sick child.  ~M	This is Lincoln.  He’s our super sweet dog who has been patiently waiting for this moment.  Lincoln’s buddies have been paying attention to SJ since April 5th and he’s felt very neglected, I’m sure.  I’ve been so impressed with his level of respect for both SJ and I.  He has kept his distance from SJ and been very gentle when he is close.  Lately SJ has watched Lincoln’s every move, completely fascinated with this big beast.  SJ squeals in delight when Lincoln walks by.  Today SJ reached out to pet Linc while on my lap and Lincoln literally breathed a sigh of relief.  I hope he maintains that respect when SJ decides fur is fun to grab ahold of. ~A